i don't know. i really don't know. that's all i can say.

i suppse. defriend if you want, although i really like you, dude, so i guess i'd rather you didn't.

i know it maybe wasn't the smartest decision, okay, but i just thought i was doing something for myself. now that i'm doubting myself again, because of you & what you're saying, it's just reinforcing this notion i have that i'm a shitty person who can't make my own decisions, that i always have people giving me better advice than i could ever give myself. if i say now, yeah, you're right dude, i'm going to give this shit up all over again, it feels like i'm a total pushover, a total idiot, because a) why did i start drinking again in the first place & b) why did i need someone to tell me yet again that i'm doing the wrong thing. you know?

but fuck, i know you're right, anyway, & i guess this is not the thing to be arguing over, because it's stupid, & i know, deep down, that i'm fucking stupid, too.

i don't even know.