rosiedoes | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

This came up from a conversation that

likethepaint and I are having with

eyerenderingfan, and I would be really interested in knowing the following:

[Poll #1290143]

I'm in two minds about this because while I do stick to the core things of sXe - no drinking, no illegal* drugs and no smoking, and even refrain from promiscuity too, I'm wondering if it is slightly hypocritical to claim to be Edge when I'm a former addict of both drugs and cigarettes and still do 'other' negative things to my body...

_{* It is my understanding from reading about Edge that it does not actively discourage the taking of any prescription medication as directed.}

I've never really had to deal with your situation in relation to sXe, before, but I think that most straight edge people would have a huge amount of respect for you for being able to go from that kind of lifestyle to a totally clean one.

And I've never really seen the issue of SI covered in relation to it either, but hey - maybe it's something to work toward so you can claim it for sure? Maybe it's something to pledge now and take that as an incentive to stop that, too?

I've always thought it to be about the now rather than the past. I can't change that, but I can work on staying clean in the future, which is my intention because I don't want to be like certain members of my family. Fuck that noise. One of the big reasons I cut alcohol out of my life is the fact that both of my parents are addicted to that crap, and let's be honest, getting pissed to the point where you can't walk and make a total arse out of yourself is not big nor clever. And the more I was retelling that story about P1, the more it sunk in what a fool I must have looked. It was the last of the three to get put out of my life and I don't miss it at all.

I've not really ever seen any mention of SI in stuff I've read about sXe. It is something I want to work on obviously, but at the present time, find I'm not quite ready to tackle getting back into recovery...

*hugs* I can understand that, and I meant to reply to your comment before, but it got lost in my inbox - the thing that allowed me to stop, the only thing, was removing the catalyst.

I left home, I changed my life for myself, I got out of the situations where I wanted to or felt I needed to. And I've been away from home for seven years and haven't done it for maybe six... six and a half?

I still had to give someone a bronze age dagger I'd made, for safe keeping, a few years back, but now I'm fine. I have lost the triggers and found the strength to push through it. And I know you can do that, too.

Focus on an incentive. Give yourself a reason to want to do it, and believe that you can. You've given up far worse and you've come this far. Make that push.

*hugs* I took a long time replying to everyone to be fair, because even going near that post was triggering - it's not taking a whole lot at the moment.

I've come to the grand conclusion, after removing everything that I thought was the problem - moving away from my parents, getting out of the refuge - that I have a serious need for therapy for all the shit my parents and other people have done to me over the years.

I really did think I was in the clear from this shit. I hadn't thought about it in so long - the last time before I restarted was actually connected with a side reason I came to the decision to stop drinking. (I thought it was a year, it was actually in February.) At the moment, it's just a case of taking each day as it comes and not kicking myself too hard in the ass when I give in.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only