rosiedoes | (no subject)

Just to get my side of the story out before this all turns into drama, but yes, I just defriended

marysiak.

I think that the request for people to pay for her to get laser surgery is frankly out of order and seeing people going ahead and doing so is just... sickening for me.

This is not an operation she's in desperate need of. She just doesn't want to wear contacts or glasses anymore. It's like asking your flist to buy you a yearly travelcard because you can't be bothered to walk (even though you could). I have people on my flist who have been in utterly desperate situations and never dreamed of asking for help, let alone for something they want rather than need.

Right now, so soon after the crisis in Burma/Myanmar, when people are truly suffering and need all the help they can get, it seems in bad taste generally to ask for something that can be done without. In fact, I find asking people to pay for something that is based on preference, rather than critical necessity, pretty shameful. And selfish.

"I want this and I expect my friends to pay for it for me."

That's just not right, in my book.

So, there you have it. I couldn't give much of a fuck if other people defriend me because of this view - that's your prerogative. I give what I can afford to the people who need it in order to survive, to the people who have nothing because of where they live in the world, or the environment they live in, not to people who expect hand outs because they're too impatient to wait and save for themselves.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm fence-sitting at the moment.

Haven't donated. Part of me figures I should, as otherwise I'll spend the money on drink or gadgets.
Part of me is surprised at the sheer chutzpah of it.

In Marysia's defence, she's not expecting people to pay for it. She's asking people to donate half towards it, so that she can get it done sooner.

That being said, yes, there are perhaps better ways (in the grand scheme of things) of feeling charitable.

If you have money to donate, Phil, I can give you a list of websites.

I'm appalled by it. I just... this is not a surgery she needs. If she wants it that badly, she can save for it like everyone else. The thing that pisses me off is that she obviously feels she's entitled to it.

I have people on my flist who can't work for medical grounds, and have virtually no support in their own country - they can't afford their medication and they're selling their possessions, having services cut off because they can't pay the bills - and they would never dream of asking for people to bail them out. I have one friend who had to be ordered to set up a paypal donate account because people wanted to help, and never because she asked.

This isn't about her needing cataract surgery to save her from losing her sight altogether, it's cosmetic surgery, because she can't be bothered to faff with contacts.

That is just not appropriate, as far as I'm concerned.

(screened comment)

I read that as "I won't defend you" then. Haha.

I'll probably be around - I've had no news, yet - and even so, we could go for coffee one evening or something. I haven't really left the house for ages.

I already give plenty to charity, I just don't talk about it much. (And in the case of the recent Burmese disaster, I'm waiting to see what the Burmese government allows.)

I agree it's not needed surgery. And I wonder about going with the cheapest eye op, too - if you're going to get major surgery like this, you should have it done as best as possible.

I must admit that I have some personal interest in this - I'm considering contacts, and also beginning to consider surgery. It may be technically cosmetic, but it's actually something I want to do because of my photography...

But basically it's not needed, and there's more deserving cases in the world.

What I'm wondering about - thanks to your post - is where I draw the line between my friend's needs & desires and the needs of others. (The key now being distibguishing between desires and needs... Something that hadn't occurred to me.)

More food for thought...

People who know me well know that I'm one of the most generous people they will ever meet. I give beyond my means, many times, just because I can't bear to see people doing without. But to me, this is an abuse of people's generosity.

If she was being evicted, or needed emergency surgery, or had lost her job and couldn't pay her bills, I'd go out of my way to help as much as I could. But for something of this nature, I can't even believe someone would ask. It's just unimaginable to me.