(no subject)

[rosiedoes]

Just to get my side of the story out before this all turns into drama, but yes, I just defriended marysiak.

I think that the request for people to pay for her to get laser surgery is frankly out of order and seeing people going ahead and doing so is just... sickening for me.

This is not an operation she's in desperate need of. She just doesn't want to wear contacts or glasses anymore. It's like asking your flist to buy you a yearly travelcard because you can't be bothered to walk (even though you could). I have people on my flist who have been in utterly desperate situations and never dreamed of asking for help, let alone for something they want rather than need.

Right now, so soon after the crisis in Burma/Myanmar, when people are truly suffering and need all the help they can get, it seems in bad taste generally to ask for something that can be done without. In fact, I find asking people to pay for something that is based on preference, rather than critical necessity, pretty shameful. And selfish.

"I want this and I expect my friends to pay for it for me."

That's just not right, in my book.

So, there you have it. I couldn't give much of a fuck if other people defriend me because of this view - that's your prerogative. I give what I can afford to the people who need it in order to survive, to the people who have nothing because of where they live in the world, or the environment they live in, not to people who expect hand outs because they're too impatient to wait and save for themselves.

Comments

[blacknarcissus2.livejournal.com]

Gah! I'd LOVE laser eye surgery, having worn glasses since I was 7. I'm as blind as a bat without them and my right eye is astigmatic. I've had a couple of attempts with contact lenses but my eyes became sensitised to them after a while and I can't do them anymore.

I have to say, with all the drooling I've done at laser surgery ads and brochures... it's never crossed my mind to ask people to pay for it for me. It just... WHAT??? I simply can't afford it - it's one of the things my future hoped-for Lottery win will fund. Of course, I'd have a better chance if I actually DID the Lottery anymore. Ehehehehe.

But I know you won't have done this lightly so, levity aside, I hope you're feeling okay. *hugshugshugs*

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon, but I'm fine. Just angry.

It's the audacity of it that gets to me. And also the fact that some people are such idiots that they'll actually go ahead and pay for her to have it done.

Because hey, let's all encourage freeloading, shall we?

I'd love lipo on my fat arse, but I'd never dream of asking my friends for something like that.

[anjak-j.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's more than a little cheeky. Considering the state of the world and the amount of people suffering at the moment, I find that pretty disgusting actually.

I don't have any objections to helping to fund things my friends want to do, rather than need, but usually that is as a result of wanting to help someone who has been through shit to go have some fun. Not for the sake of their own fucking vanity.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

I just can't get my head around it.

[anjak-j.livejournal.com]

I've kinda stopped trying. Again with the human capacity for selfishness...

[americancashito.livejournal.com]

I think the most offensive part of that post was the line about how the only thing they'd get out of it would be a knowledge that they're a charitable person.

Because you can't get that by donating your time at the local RSPCA or giving money to a family of four who have just lost their home in a natural disaster or something.

If anything, it makes them an idiot. imho.

[shiny-starlight.livejournal.com]

What the hell? That is absolutely insane, and incredibly selfish. I can't believe people are actually doing it! That's just encouraging her. God, especially after the latest disaster. WTF is the only response.

[trohmania.livejournal.com]

"I want this and I expect my friends to pay for it for me."

everything i want, i have to work for. my parents always taught me to earn something if i wanted it bad enough. i wish other parents would have instilled that on their kids when i see people say shit like that. besides, if it was something she wanted that much she'd save for it, not expect handouts. if people help her out i hope they're donating to actual crisis'.

[returntosender.livejournal.com]

Right. I'm definately donating to Vision Aid when I get paid.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

Huh?

[returntosender.livejournal.com]

Just that there are people in developing countries who don't get their eyes tested and can't afford glasses, and I'd like to donate to that cause and try not to think about a world where laser surgery is considered a need, instead of a want.

Most people have a slight astigmatism. Its normal!

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

Oh dude, I know.

And good for you on the donation, seriously.

[mack-at-home.livejournal.com]

Goodness. I don't know the girl, or anything of the occurence other than what you've just told us, but yeah. I can't even really comprehend asking something like that.
I feel uncomfortable even asking for money I'm owed. It's the reason I sucked as a papergirl. I hated collecting the money.

Mack x

[nikitaquincy.livejournal.com]

Holy hell. People like that just make me rage. Seriously, what the fuck. Where on earth do people get off with stuff like this?? I live on less than $200 a month but I don't expect people to bail me out nor do I ask for donations, especially for something as vain as laser eye surgery. I want a new computer, I want an iPod, I want a new camera, but you're not seeing me ask people to chip in to "help" me buy one.

And seriously, dude, I would so not unfriend you over this. I totally agree with you 150%. If I could give to the cyclone victims I would, even though the aid isn't getting to them, but still...that's besides the point. I donated to 9/11 victims, I donated to tsunami victims, I donated to Katrina victims, I've given to friends in need. I give where I can when I can. But I will NEVER ever give someone money just so they can have a cosmetic procedure done.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

*huggles* I didn't think you would, hon - I was thinking more of people who know us both, but it's reassuring that you won't. xo

[nikitaquincy.livejournal.com]

Nah you're pretty much stuck with me :) *hugs* ♥

[philipstorry.livejournal.com]

I'm fence-sitting at the moment.

Haven't donated. Part of me figures I should, as otherwise I'll spend the money on drink or gadgets.
Part of me is surprised at the sheer chutzpah of it.

In Marysia's defence, she's not expecting people to pay for it. She's asking people to donate half towards it, so that she can get it done sooner.

That being said, yes, there are perhaps better ways (in the grand scheme of things) of feeling charitable.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

If you have money to donate, Phil, I can give you a list of websites.

I'm appalled by it. I just... this is not a surgery she needs. If she wants it that badly, she can save for it like everyone else. The thing that pisses me off is that she obviously feels she's entitled to it.

I have people on my flist who can't work for medical grounds, and have virtually no support in their own country - they can't afford their medication and they're selling their possessions, having services cut off because they can't pay the bills - and they would never dream of asking for people to bail them out. I have one friend who had to be ordered to set up a paypal donate account because people wanted to help, and never because she asked.

This isn't about her needing cataract surgery to save her from losing her sight altogether, it's cosmetic surgery, because she can't be bothered to faff with contacts.

That is just not appropriate, as far as I'm concerned.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

I read that as "I won't defend you" then. Haha.

I'll probably be around - I've had no news, yet - and even so, we could go for coffee one evening or something. I haven't really left the house for ages.

[philipstorry.livejournal.com]

I already give plenty to charity, I just don't talk about it much. (And in the case of the recent Burmese disaster, I'm waiting to see what the Burmese government allows.)

I agree it's not needed surgery. And I wonder about going with the cheapest eye op, too - if you're going to get major surgery like this, you should have it done as best as possible.

I must admit that I have some personal interest in this - I'm considering contacts, and also beginning to consider surgery. It may be technically cosmetic, but it's actually something I want to do because of my photography...

But basically it's not needed, and there's more deserving cases in the world.

What I'm wondering about - thanks to your post - is where I draw the line between my friend's needs & desires and the needs of others. (The key now being distibguishing between desires and needs... Something that hadn't occurred to me.)

More food for thought...

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

People who know me well know that I'm one of the most generous people they will ever meet. I give beyond my means, many times, just because I can't bear to see people doing without. But to me, this is an abuse of people's generosity.

If she was being evicted, or needed emergency surgery, or had lost her job and couldn't pay her bills, I'd go out of my way to help as much as I could. But for something of this nature, I can't even believe someone would ask. It's just unimaginable to me.

[ashe-frost.livejournal.com]

She has always been a bit of a self-obsessed mess, but this is truly over the limit. WTF?

[ashe-frost.livejournal.com]

Oh my god I just read her entry and I really want to say something horrible about how entitled and ridiculous she is but she doesn't know me from Adam, and she'll just think you've sent one of your friends over to troll her.

That's so ridiculous. I'd completely love to ask people for random money all the time. I mean, you've given me money on numerous occasions just to help me pay my bills and I definitely took it, which.. Is more than a little humbling and just.. Probably wrong of me.

But.. She's acting like she's being generous about it. She's saying "Oh! If you give me 1000 pounds, then I will contribute 1000 dollars of my own money!" Which would be awesome if she wasn't contributing her own money to her appearance. She's trying to make it sound like she's doing others a favor.

Where is the most public place you can send screen caps of this post so everyone can make fun of her.

I wish people cared about her 'acting career" so I could post this shit on ONTD.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

It really is the sense of entitlement that gets to me. It's just unimaginable to me.

[purelush.livejournal.com]

I've worn glasses since I was five. Because I wore my contacts too long when I got them in high school, I can no longer wear them. I have really messed up eyes and when you stick me in direct sunlight, I'm pretty blind. I can't get those lovely transition lenses (that change from sunglasses to normal glasses) because my prescription is far too high. And my glasses? Are around $600 - and that's buying them at Costco.

So yeah, I'd love to get laser eye surgery. I could wear sunglasses and be comfortable in the summer and it'll be really amazing all round. But I would never ask my flist to pay for it. I know it'll be several years before I can afford the operation and I'll just have to be patient and budget and save up. But I think asking for hand outs for something like this is appalling - especially when I have a co-worker whose father lost his eye in an accident but doesn't qualify for disability from the gov't, so he has to pay so much money for all these operations and he can't work. I mean, I'd gladly give them money in a heartbeat because the poor man is unemployed, extremely sick and in a lot of pain. But for someone who just wants laser eye surgery faster? No. You've just got to have patience.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

Well, exactly. I just don't understand why people on her flist are doing it. I just don't get that.

[purelush.livejournal.com]

They've clearly got money to burn.

[alasdair.livejournal.com]

>>>I just don't understand why people on her flist are doing it. I just don't get that.<<<

Marysia has been a friend of mine for over a decade. Despite the fact that she earns a fraction of what I do, I know she donated to something I did not need (or expect, or ask for) when my friends had a whip round for me, something that touched me in a way that few other things in my life ever have. The fact that you and your little gang here are self-righteously failing to take into account is that *she's done the same for other people*.

[alasdair.livejournal.com]

I note, by the way, that you have no response to this, and yet have not yet said in the same public manner that you slagged my friends off that actually, there *are* reasons why she might be able to ask for help, and reasons that people might be disposed to give such help as they can.

Either tell me I'm wrong to help my friend, or have the honesty to admit that you may not have had the full picture, please.

We may not speak much these days, but I have always thought of you as someone with the integrity to know when you have stepped over a line.

[ms-mindfunk.livejournal.com]

High index lenses are available with Transitions. At Target Optical, you'd pay $225 for the high index (with scratch, UV and non-glare) and an additional $100 for Adjust-tint, the Luxottica version of the Transitions technology. Frames range from 99.99 to about $159.99, so without insurance you'd be around $450 or so if you're not doing a sale. You can also get 10% off for applying for one of those awful Target Visa cards.

What is your script? A lot of people think they must have specialty lenses because too many opticians tell them so, when it isn't the case. High index costs a lot more, obviously, so I've seen some places put anybody over a -4.00 in it, which is ridiculous. If you don't actually need a high index lens, you can get a full pair for $99, adding $100 for the photochromatic tint.

[purelush.livejournal.com]

My prescription is -9.5 in my right eye and -3 in my left eye. And I live in Canada, so no Target for me :P

But yes, I definitely need the high index - when I was a kid, my right nostril was flattened by the weight of my glasses on the one side. It took a few years for it to become even with the left one.

[hyperballad12.livejournal.com]

What the hell what now?????

That is as low as possible. Heck, I've worn glasses all my life and don't need them anymore. But if I did, I wouldnt go asking people to pay for my laser surgery......

And in this impoverished world? I'd rather give some food to a child who needs it...

What got me is this;

Also if I get really rich and famous at any point I will pay you back, because I am nice that way.

So she wont pay them back unless she gets rich or famous? I fail to see the nice in that......

Go you btw!!
Peee.esss....Im still working on the slash but I should have it done by sunday next week.... :-)

[ms-mindfunk.livejournal.com]

That is a stunning specimen of the grade A entitlement bitch. Wow.

It's amusing, though, that she's obviously not too bright, either. When someone is going to be using a laser scalpel on your freaking cornea, is that really the time to bargain shop? Wouldn't you want to most qualified, top notch surgeon regardless of cost? I know I would. She also doesn't understand an astigmatism. She's probably too cheap to get special contacts, because folks with that condition can and do see perfectly with toric contacts. Also, very few people absolutely cannot wear contacts. The damage done by overwearing contacts heals if you stop wearing them for a period of time. I was a dumbass who did that, and as severe as my damage was, I only had to be out of my lenses for six months. She's full of shit, trying to justify her "need" for Lasik.

I've had glasses since 3rd grade. I'm nearsighted enough that I cannot find my glasses once I've taken them off and set them down. I can't see the clock in the middle of the night, or drive, or even navigate to the bathroom safely. I hate glasses, they give me a headache, and I'm not allowed to wear contacts at work. Maybe I should get a cut from her fund, since I'm obviously in more need than her?

Sorry for ranting. I hate the world lately.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I know how you feel, dude. I kind of thought there was some exaggerating going on in the post, personally.

I'm thinking that maybe I should get everyone to donate so I can go to a detox spa and lose 30lbs; that'd definitely improve my standard of living. What do you reckon? ;)

[vinagrette.livejournal.com]

AHH D:

I haven't been LJ in about two weeks now so I haven't seen the post but I did get an invite on Facebook to the 'Pay for Marysias' Laser Eye Surgery' community when I signed on last. I was like, 'wtf?'

It's all just a bit...random to me. I would never dream of donating to it. I am too busy trying to bail my parents out of the debt they've gone into because mums' got kidney failure and she needs medicine to, you know, SURVIVE.

I've not got my hate on for her or anything I just think it's all wtf. And yes, especially in light of all the crazy natural disasters we're seeing in the news.