This Is Not A Democracy

*does a tiny giddy dance and won't tell you why*

So, in keeping with the season, all my customers have been sending in Christmas cards.

In keeping with my beliefs, I was mocking them as I came in.

Now, one of my organisations is a waste recycling organisation - and naturally, we joked about their corporate Crimbo Card. Mere moments later, said Crimbo Card appeared from the depths of the post pile.

The picture upon the card was an expanse of twig-like grass, poking through a feeble scattering or rather grubby snow, under a grey sky with the helpfully seasonal note (in bright green, 18pt italic arial) "Greengairs in the Snow". Charming. It was passed around the department, as we laughed at the boring photo.

And then, piping up from behind the desk divide, David joked, "It's probably a landfill or something!"

"I don't know," I laughed, "I'll Google it later…"

But before I could, I opened the card to see the following note on the inner edge:

Picture by Abi Johnson, environment officer for Greengairs Landfill



Tasteful.

Because I'm ill and it never stops being funny:

Return of the Slogan Generator

A Different Kind Of Company. A Different Kind Of Easy. - couldn't have been more hilarious for a first shot IF IT TRIED

I'd Like to Buy the World a Easy Company. - and then keep it all to myself.

The Easy Company is Mightier than the Sword. - them kids got MORTARS AND SHIT. (Or they did have, and then Penk and Skip got on the wrong end of a German one, and then they just had Malarkey...)

The Easy Company Goes Straight to your Head. - with Joe Toye's brass knuckles...

Feel the Easy Company. - all of them?! Can't I just do Penk?

We Bring Stackham to Life. - for socio-political reasons, Julie and I are just going sit around laughing at this one.

Stargate: Atlantis Is Good For You. - except season two

Can't Do It In Real Life? Do It On Stargate: Atlantis. - the life motto for the entire central cast

I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Stargate: Atlantis. - Rodneeeeeey!!

You're Never Alone with a Loki. - Aww... gayngel ♥

Welcome To Bartleby Country. - it's the new name for Wisconsin.

The Voice of God... Kills All Known Bartleby - Dead.

Wouldn't You Rather Be Ray Mears? - that's it: rub it in!

A Finger of Ray Mears is Just Enough to Give Your Kids a Treat. um...



I think I'll stop now.

I've got a new fandom. It is Top Gear.

Yes, Top Gear.

I don't have a particular interest in cars. I can't even drive. And no, I don't fancy Richard Hammond.

I do, however, like to see three full-grown men bickering like children and trying to go caravaning with all the success of a snowflake trying to make it in Hell. And you should take that... well, literally.

But this show is the best, most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time. I used to watch it with my mother in the 90s, before Hamster and James joined. But it has never been as brilliant as this.

You must watch that half-hour segment. You will cry laughing until IT ACTUALLY HURTS.

You should also watch Hammond squeezing himself in between Clarkson's thighs and Hammond getting struck by lightning with a the echoing sound of a whip cracking. O_o That man is FUCKING MENTAL. Is there any surprise in the fact that it was that completely fucking loony little sod who almost got his head ripped off in the vampyre?!

If you were to sum up the Top Gear boys' reactions to... just about everything... in a single word each, it would be like this:

James: Meh.
Hamster: HEEE!?!?!!!!1!!1!
Clarkson: Feh!

And they're all so married. To each other.

♥ ♥ ♥

Apparently, it's not just penguins...


Also, after much Decidely English Complaining, Dell now say that they can just replace the cover for my VDU which, including service and VAT will cost just £151.00. A marked improvement on the original quote of £325, I feel.

It was also mentioned that, aside from the motherboard and hard drive, if there is anything on it that is a bit wonky and needs fixing up they will do that do.

Therefore, I do think I FUCKING WIN.

It pays to politely complain, kids (and threaten to go to PC World in future).

Why do Atheists Care About Religion?

Because America exists.

This one's for Steve Irwin.

I always liked Ray Mears better.

I love to see a hypocrite pwned.

Also: I got message from Mark the Self-Defence Instructor, via Sally, that I really hurt him in the class and, in his words 'fucked him up'.

I should not feel as smug about this as I do.

Oh yeah, and someone from the old roleplay (you know the one - horrible people, witch hunt, ex-girlfriend) apologised for her behaviour and asked me to 'come over and say hi, sometimes'.

*narrow eyes* I appreciate her apology, but can't help feeling that it's more to do with the fact they never found a replacement Harry or a replacement Buck (characters played by myself and Julie). We were just too fucking good.

*throws bible* Hey, Dick - fetch.

For fans of Mounties and Brokeback, Something Awful gives you this.

This is my new favourite song - George Bush does Sunday Bloody Sunday