This Is Not A Democracy

Oh God, coffee. NEED MOAR COFFEE.

Completely exhausted. The Damned Things were amazing last night - I sweated so much by the time I got home at 2am my jeans crunched. Salty.

Found it hilarious that Puddle of Mud were supporting them. I can't even...WUT. I always get the name confused with Mudvayne. Now that would have been hilarious.

Sadly, didn't get a chance to see Andy as I promised I would, but we're going to drive up next time and maybe stay over in the chosen city of gigness, so we'll have more time to go and buy pints [of juice].

Did get to see Joe beforehand. He caught me on the way back into the venue from the ladies - he's cut his hair much shorter (kind of a 90s curtain cut look) and it actually really suits him - at least until he starts headbanging and it goes all fluffy. To be fair, it looked like my hair does when it's short and I let it dry naturally, so I'm not going to mock. XD

I stopped to chat and exchange a mutually sweaty hug for a moment, but then had to dive back in to the end of the Puddle of Mud set so I could fight a giant Norwegian for my view of the stage.

We made friends with a girl of about twelve and her dad who were down in the pit, as well. When the PoM guys threw their picks into the pit, one landed it the crook of my arm, so I gave it to her. There was no reason for me to keep it and the Norwegian PoM fans had already annoyed me too much to consider giving it to them.

Did end up retrieving the phone of a cute punk girl (who was there with a girl who looked like she was probably her twin, but with a massive white (and highly inconvenient) mohawk) after I saw it glowing on the floor. She was very grateful and said thank you at least twice. It was awesome to see people really rocking out for TDT. Old dudes, young women, obnoxious, smelly goth dudes... They declared it the best gig ever, and I like to think they were serious.

After the set there was an hilarious moment of confusion with Rob. He was shaking hands with the crowd, but all my stuff was in my right hand and it would be awkward to change, so I put my hand out to high-five him. He did not appear to understand the motion. I guess he's too cool for that; and I say that with no irony at all. He did get it in the end, though. I hate those weird, same-hand handshakes...

I didn't see it happen, but apparently Keith stage dived at the end of the set and they dropped him. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

When the set was done we had to run and get the train back, so I only had time to stop and say happy birthday to Josh and ask him to tell Andy I said 'hi' and sorry I couldn't wait around to chat. Ended up emailing him on the train. He said it was okay, but I did feel a bit bad. I promised I'd make the time, after the last show, and I don't think saying 'hello' to me is going to make or break his night, but he's a good dude and I like to keep my word.

All in all, another good one from my boys. Shame that Lib and Michelle didn't make it along, but I'm sure they'll be there next time.

It did leave me with tinnitus so bad I really felt like my head was in one of those electrical substation things, with electricity buzzing overhead, but even that was worth it...

Well. That felt kind of uncomfortable.

I don't know that many people in that room really got it, and I don't think there were many who were straight edge at all. One woman, as soon as a question was asked about the pervasive nature of alcohol in social settings, started saying people were judging her for drinking. She hadn't spoken at all before that point, and I had no idea whether she drunk at all. It seems so ironic that, after years of being called weird and pressured and told supposed friends would spike your drink for the fun of breaking your pledge to yourself, people who drink of their own free will would claim persecution when they come to a talk about the minority group.

At the end, Gabriel invited people to come up and speak to him directly, and I stopped by just to say thanks and note that it was ultimately Andy, and Jay who had been in bands with him years before, people who - in the latter case - I consider very dear friends, who had influenced me and supported me in my becoming and staying edge. He responded by saying he didn't really know Andy, having only spoken to him on the phone, that he seemed like a nice guy and then... that he'd had more objections to Andy's section and more reviews saying, "Yeah, great book, but you shouldn't have included him."

Firstly, I don't know that I - as a master of tactlessness - would have said that to someone who had essentially just said, "The guy in your book is someone I know and who has been a significant influence for me."

It felt almost dismissive - not of me, so much, but of Andy, really. He commented that he'd "be lying if [he] said [he] hadn't" been interested in having someone of that level of fame in the book and that the publishers had wanted it.

I sort of felt like I had to defend the passion and legitimacy of Andy's beliefs, even if I didn't follow the anarcho-primitivism ethos myself.

It was uncomfortable and I don't really know if it was because Gabriel is Austrian and doesn't articulate himself as well in English as maybe he could if it was his first language, but he asked me how I met Andy and when I left he asked my name and shook my hand, so maybe it was just how he came across.

Somehow, though, I felt like I was being judged on the basis of how I discovered edge and the factions of the people who introduced me to it... which was exactly what he seemed to want to negate in his talk.

That was the most ridiculous train journey home, ever. Middle-aged women should not have to hoist husbands who are too drunk to stand into their seats. Nor should they have to do full-on, comedy face-bloats as they puke in their own mouths in a carriage full of people. Also, dapper old guys in their sixties should not stagger sideways across a platform, fall onto the train, off of the train, and then puke red wine all over the floor.

This is England! You should not reduce groups of very sober twenty-somethings, who have never met before, to giggle fits and discussing the best form of parkour to utilise to escape the train without being covered in sick.

I am disapprove, old people.

But anyway. Tonight was genuinely awesome. We were stunned and appalled by how empty the venue was, and even more appalled by the singer of the Japanese Voyeurs, because she was obnoxious. The Damned Things more than made up for it, though.

I nearly got in a punch up in the middle of the set, again. At one point some overly-made-up bint tried to elbow us out of the way - no "excuse me, do you mind if I take a photo?" or anything, just elbows and unnecessary shoving in a really sparse crowd - so I did a derby move on her and nearly floored her sideways. Then her twiggly little hipster boyfriend started pulling (lightly) on my arms and asking what I'd done that for, so I raised my fist and told him to back the fuck off. He did. And then a security guard came over and bollocked him for touching me.

Never fuck with derby girls, my friend. Never.

But yeah. Andy has completely shaved and cut his hair really, really short. Like, The Kill Pill short. He looks about 19 again. We didn't get time to chat, but he was lurking near us, so we did that little wave-grin-mouthe-'howareyoudoing?'-nod-thumbs-up-'you?'-'good!'-grin thing. I emailed him on the way home to say sorry for not stopping to chat, but it's been so long since I contacted him I don't know how frequently he uses that address, now.

Keith is getting a bit chubby, it has to be said. When I first met them, in spring, he was much more svelte, and he was oddly attractive but I didn't fancy him. Now he's plumped up a little bit I did actually find him quite cute (bizarrely, a girl I think is his sister-in-law friended me on Twitter recently - she seems to follow tons of people).

Josh kept wandering back and forth, looking annoyed; then he tweeted that BA had lost his clothes and guitars for the second time in a week, so he was notably pissed off. We would have been too; what a bunch of knobgobblers. We offered to buy him a drink when we saw him later, but he had one from the rider already.

The other three were just themselves at that point, really. We'd seen Rob through the window of the restaurant next to the Garage on our way in and given him a wave, but didn't see him in the venue. When they came on, they played Friday Night and Ironiclast to get things going and then about a song later I caught a glimpse of something bright flying at me and a sharp pain in my arm. It turned out it was a pick. Now, I was standing three people back on stage left. In front of me from right to left, were Rob, Scott, Keith, Andy at the back, Josh and Joe. Joe was at the far, far left from the audience's POV. Guess who threw it. Yep. The full width of the stage and three rows back and it hit like someone flicking my arm - it actually stung. As Lib pointed out, he's probably used to playing arenas and having to throw it that far. But my God, I was shocked. I really thought it had been Scott as he was nearest. Good arm, Bambi.

After the set, Joe came out of the backstage door right next to us, with Josh, and we stopped and chatted to them. Pleasingly, he recognised us right away and seemed pleased that we'd shown up (I guess the fact that most FOB fans had gone to MCR had left him thinking none of the fans would be there to see them). I told him about the pick incident and he poked at my old self-harm scars and jokingly asked if he'd caused them when he threw it. (Oh, Joseph... *eyeroll*).

He and Josh stood and talked to us for quite a bit until we were interrupted, and then when the girl he knew wandered backstage, we paused to say bye and asked him to thank the other guys for us. He wanted to know why we were leaving (the staff were chucking people out) and seemed to have expected an afterparty in the venue, which he was a bit disappointed wasn't happening. There was a slightly weird and awkward moment when he said something like, "So... yeah..." and lifted up an arm. I think I just stared at him blankly, not sure if he wanted a hi-five or a handshake and then he said, "Yeah, give me a hug, man, thanks for coming out to see us."

I was taken aback and clearly everyone noticed because on the way out Lib said, "You weren't expecting that hug at all, were you?" No. Nope. Definitely not. Joe's not traditionally that huggy; in fact, I'm sure he's been quoted as saying (or maybe even tweeted) he doesn't like hugging people he doesn't know.

He's a really good dude, though, and I'm glad that even though certain members of bandom went out of their way to try to make the guy hate me, he doesn't seem to at all. Just goes to show, I guess: be genuine and people are going to be much more accepting.

One last little bit of cute: he wasn't wearing a ring, but he referred to Marie as his 'wife' so I'm guessing they married over the summer. I'm honestly so pleased for them, I've never seen the guy look as happy as he does now - both on stage and off - and that makes me so happy. It's almost like a big-sisterly fondness. I'm really proud of him. I'm proud of all of them, of course, but especially Joe, because I feel like he's come out of his shell much more and found his confidence. He spoke on stage twice tonight; he used to chicken out the second he stepped up to the mic at FOB shows. I feel like that says a lot.

Google Wave is so frustrating. Mostly, because they aren't feeding invites fast enough.

Andy and I really only seem to have each other to talk to on it at the minute, which - while I love the guy - is kind of weird and doesn't give us much chance because he's in the US and I'm in the UK. If I wasn't working and was still living more or less on Chicago time, this wouldn't be so big of a problem, I guess, but I'm working and need sleep, which means he sends me stuff and I'm not there to answer it and vice versa.

It would be the same with most people, I'm sure, but the lack of variety means you get virtually no chance to develop it.

I got my invite from a friend of Julie's - the very generous smuffster - but Julie's own invite hasn't come in, yet. (Correction: it literally just arrived!)

It's really hard to establish a working understanding of a program based on interaction when you have a limited number of people to interact with. I'm waiting for an invite to give to ashe_frost so that we can take over the world and for supercasio so we can be randomly awesome and talk about forcefeeding In 'n' Out to Patrick. We are TPP. Totally pro-paunch. There is no tummy like a squishy tummy.

But yeah. Unless usership increases pretty soon, I can see Wave sinking. There are no tangible benefits right now. It basically merges email and chat and that's all it really seems to be.

Well, fuck.







FUUUCK.






Today was so awesomely weird (and weirdly awesome) I can barely articulate it. So, I will leave you with this: FUCK.

ill try. haha.

and someone write slashfic or whatever about me fucking anderson cooper, and send it to me. haha. if thats what slash fic is. cause i want to read that. haha.
- Andy, on the FCF

*smashes head on desk*



But on the other hand: you see your fail, trolls? You see?

Does anyone else hear The (Shipped) Gold Standard and think of Joe?

And (Coffee is For Closers) smacks of Andy.


(Possibly spoilers in comments, obv.)

I ♥ Andy Hurley:

In a thread about The Collapse:

Me: I'm actually a big believer in Voluntary Human Extinction, personally, so I do kind of hope that something will happen and eradicate the human race.

Andy: i agree to an extent. but personally, i would do anything to make sure my family survives, and i would do anything to stay alive with them.

Me: I don't have family, really. I'm not afraid of dying or leaving people behind. They'd get by without me.

I had a huge debate about this with Jay Jancetic* a while ago - he can't get his head around my way of thinking, and I wouldn't expect him to because of T, but I've made it really clear to anyone who might need to know, that if anything happens to me I don't want to be saved. I don't want my life extended in any way. If my arm is broken, sure, fix it - but if I'm bleeding to death, I want to be left alone.

Andy: fair enough, but if i were there, you wouldnt get your wish. i would save and die for anyone around me who needed help. because life is awesome and beautiful, if we make it that way. so sorry. id save you and make you love life and see why being saved is worth it.

Me: Thank you, dude, I appreciate the sentiment and I'm really touched by your concern - but I do love life (except for the part about being broke right now). I'm not depressed. I'm cynical, but at the same time I'm one of the most optimistic and upbeat people you could ever meet. I'm always verbally bitchslapping sense into my friends when they think life is too much.

It's not that I don't want to live - it's that I think we, as a species, have had our chance. We're over populating the planet, over-extending our lives in ways which are both unnatural and detrimental to the planet we live on and society itself, because it puts more and more demand on the Earth's resources.

I don't want to borrow time. I don't want to be a part of the problem, because it would be hypocritical of me to do so. Humans really need to stop breeding and stop artificially extending life - we are not designed to live as long as we do, we are destroying our kids' immune systems by over-protecting them from any kind of grime or dirt. I'm all for reducing pain and suffering, but I think the continued developments in medicine to extend people's lives and fight the diseases or traumas which might result in death are a huge part of us fucking up everything around us.

But yes - generally, I do love life, but when my time is up, I'm ready to bow out without argument because I see that as a duty in line with my beliefs.

I would totally save my friends, though - I want to add that. I'm the kind of person who would take a bullet for my friends without thinking about it; I'd give them my last penny and I've lost count of times I've stepped in to help strangers who were being attacked or harrassed. I can't force other people to take my very black and white view of things and not a lot of my friends do, so I know their wishes would be for someone to help them and I would act accordingly. However, I wouldn't want the help myself, and I hope that my friends would respect that, too.



---

Andy is lovely. He really is. I love this guy.


*I specified the surname because one of the other mods is called Jay, and Andy knows both.

Hmmmm:

FUCKCITY: @oursongtitles I can't really say anything. I'm sorry. This goes on foe and stuff. I'll be in Cali next week though-pro

NICOLE: @fuckcity awesome shirt, guys. also, nice touch, hurley, creeping in the back. can't wait til next week, dudes.

FUCKCITY: @dj_nyx won't be in la next week now. Sometime in dec I may visit though. Just found out-pro


...I CALL BABY WITHIN 48 HOURS.

Twitters*. In which the evening became weird and I made icons about banging on pizzas:

FUCKCITY: Everyone who reads this, please reply: what's better, Pizza or the Internet? It's huge FC argument...

ME: @FUCKCITY THE INTERNET. Because with the internet you can order pizza without speaking to anyone.

FUCKCITY:You all disappoint me. Have none of you had any amazing pizza parties or chuck e cheese memories? Pizza forever. It'll never bum me out or.. || Lie to me, like the internet does all the time. It's the best food ever. Even vegan pizza still slays(classic slice). You nerds! Haha jk-pro 9 minutes ago

ME: @FUCKCITY You asked the internet! It's like asking Winehouse if she'd prefer heroin or gummy bears.

FUCKCITY: @icedmaple haha, very true.

FUCKCITY: And you'd die without food. Food is natural. You would not die without Internet. And Internet isn't natural [-pro]

FUCKCITY: Can't watch porn on a pizza, but I could bang a chick on a pizza. And I couldn't bang a chick on the nonexistent in the physical world... || Internet. Haha. But any of that would be kind of gross. -pro

ME: @FUCKCITY Did you just suggest banging chicks is "kind of gross"?

FUCKCITY: No, just banging a chick on pizza-pro

ME: @FUCKCITY Oh, I dunno. I'd do a chick on a pizza, dude. ((Shut up, flist. So would you.))

FUCKCITY: @Pete_Wentz but that's not real. There's no actual people touching-pro

ME: @FUCKCITY On a scale of 1 to WTF, how weird is it to respond to people using your mates' names as usernames? O_o

FUCKCITY: @icedmaple using who's names as usernames? I don't understand-pro

ME: @FUCKCITY I assumed Pete_Wentz was some kid, not the guy himself, which struck me as a bit surreal.

FUCKCITY: @icedmaple haha, very true. That is def not pete-pro




*some of these were pasted from truefobinglove because I'm lazy and have been shifted around to be coherent.