What a Mess, Dummy.

You know... so often lately I see people identifying themselves as a "Beautiful Mess" or "Hot Mess" or similar, derogatory terms. I see them refer to other people as a "hot mess" as if it's some kind of compliment.

And I really don't understand how that's a compliment.

For a start, a 'hot mess' just reminds me a of a steaming dog turd waiting for you to step in it. Secondly, yeah - it's nice to be hot, or beautiful, or whatever but... a mess? Seriously? Why would that be something to be proud of? Or pleased about?

Drug-addled, vodka-soaked, racoon-faced, scene "queens" (does that come from the fact they all look like drag queens?) are a mess in the same way roadkill is a mess. And equally unpleasant.

I am so very bored and bemused by the near-universal desire, online, to take pride in being a failure, or a bitch, or an arsehole, or a neurotic drama-magnet, or a 'mess'.

What the hell is wrong with everyone? Cheer the fuck up! Try to find something about yourself that's likeable and legitimately attractive (and don't waste your time with the "but there's nothing about me that's attractive! Wah wah wah!" bullshit, because you'll just be kidding yourself and irritating everyone else) and then embrace it. If you have nice hair, show it off. If you have pretty eyes, accentuate them. If you're a good, kind person, encourage others to get involved in your projects. If you're efficient and well-organised, help people who are less so.

Just, for the love of all that is rational: STOP PRETENDING TO BE SOMETHING LESS THAN YOU ARE. Not least because most of you are probably putting on the self-deprecating bullshit because you think it's cool. It's not. It makes you look like goth wannabe twat. And that's never cool.

Have some goddamn self-respect and learn to like yourselves a little more, will you?

Things that should not exist, #46344341 (b)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is a Spongebob Flying-V Ukelele.

Twitters.

This is mah shit.

• 14:59 @stephenfry Ooh, you're a sarky old sausage, sometimes! Haha. #
• 17:58 @trohman This is genuinely on sale near my house: A Spongebob Flying-V Ukelele bit.ly/knoud Magificently bizarre. #
• 18:02 @stephenfry Pure folly of the musical world: bit.ly/knoud - a Spongebob Flying-V Ukelele #
• 18:12 @fys tinyurl.com/d9rbpn - why, God, why? #
• 18:42 @Eruwenfuin I absolutely LOATHE Spongebob, so I most certainly agree. #
• 19:34 Right nowm my left had is fine, but my right arm is so cold my hand is stiff. I have no fucking idea why. #
• 19:34 o hai, typo city. #
• 19:48 @riotingofspring :\ Major fail. #
• 19:49 @riotingofspring *hugs* The world is full of douchebags, my dear. #
• 23:12 Dear people tweeting fuckcity: why are you all so fucking mental? Mortified, of Brighton. #
• 23:48 @pewpewpew That's a good fucking point. But to be fair, the first one happened around 10.30pm last night. #

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