Die, fuckers.

FOBRock Boardies kind of make me sick.

I have never known such a self-obsessed bunch of insensitive little cunts.

Some of them are fine. Some of them seem to be pleasant and intelligent - don't get me wrong, I don't mean all of them.

But tonight alone I have seen people making posts mocking Pete's supposed suicide attempt, a while back - calling one really personal aspect that I'm sure was symbolic to him at the time 'retarded'. And all this knowing the guy reads the stuff we post (and since a new inteview posted tonight, that Patrick does, too) and after seeing a post in his blog where he seems extremely unhappy, and may be talking about a friend's suicide - and as well as knowing that the things the fans say, especially in things like the Q&A can really make or break his mood. He's told us in the past how much reading the "we love you, you're a great person" posts can really make him feel better when he's down; and I tend to think he's telling it straight, because frankly he strikes me as the sort of person who needs approval, even if he tries to tell himself he doesn't.

Why the hell would you talk shit about someone you're supposed to look up to, least of all where they can read it? And the people who made the comments on that post do consider themselves fans. I just can't comprehend it. Just yesterday the same people were posting pictures of Patrick being silly, and puppies, in a thread specifically intended to bring him out of whatever funk he's got himself in - the 'Cheer Up Pete thread'. How can someone not understand that if you're already depressed, and have made an attempt on your own life in the past, people acting like you're stupid - people who are supposed to be on your side - can make you feel so much worse?

Seriously?

I attempted suicide, once. I know how low you have to be to do it and mean it (although, I should note that he's always refused to call it suicide), and I know that if the people around me called me a 'retard' and said how pathetic something that potentially meant something REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT to me was, I would be really hurt. It would make me feel pretty alone and misunderstood - which seems to be his problem half the time.


Given this information, I also find it disgusting that someone would post, "Pete better not be out of it at my gig tomorrow because I'm travelling five hours to get there". If you know someone is in a bad way, emotionally, what the fuck makes you feel justified in being so fucking selfish? Bands have cancelled entire fucking tours for less, and the guy is also reportedly quite sick physically at the moment, so it's lucky he's getting on stage at all. Yes, people have paid for the tickets; yes, they might be travelling a long way - but if he's giving the best he can, given the shit he's going through then people should be a bit more damn grateful for it.


I'm really ashamed to be a Boardie, when they talk like that.


I'm also ashamed that they submitted a question to a Patrick about slash - AND IT WAS ASKED BY THE BBC INTERVIEWER! - and the clearly uncomfortable response on the audio is taken by them as his being 'cool' with it. He is not fucking 'cool' with it! He sounds really awkward - especially when they specifically bring up him and Pete, his best fucking friend - but says "whatever, y'know?" as if he doesn't want to piss people off by saying otherwise.

The first rule of slash: do not tell the person you slash, you ignorant cunts. Keep your perverse interests (and I include myself in this) fucking personal or within the community you know shares them. What fucking validation do you want from them? Are Pete's jokes not enough? Everyone already regards Patrick as this shy, self-conscious little guy - and if I see another thread speculating on whether he's a virgin or not I swear I will fucking kill someone - why the hell would you want to corrupt something you regard as innocent? WHY?

ETA: Oh yes - and in the same interview they submitted - and it was asked - a question about whether Patrick really was 'made of plasticine', which was a dig from Kerrang! this week. How fucking mean is that? This is a guy everyone knows worries about the way he looks and they're fucking asking questions like that? Way to fucking go, arseholes.


And then there are the lovely little people who give out the band's personal information on the web. I know both Patrick and Pete have MySpace, thanks to a post on the forums. Both of these accounts are set to private because they obviously don't want a million fourteen year olds harrassing them. That much is pretty fucking obvious. So what do people do? They send Patrick messages through it because they know he won't add them. And they make posts every day saying, "Ooh! Pete's online!" because people hand out his personal IM screen name for everyone to add.

SERIOUSLY. GET A FUCKING CLUE.

If he wanted us to know this, he would give it to us. Let them have some fucking privacy! Just because you buy their records and have their t-shirt and once Pete smiled at you in a meet and fucking greet, does not mean you fucking own them. They are YOUNG and they are REAL FUCKING PEOPLE with real fucking problems and the last thing they fucking need are obnoxious little cunts thinking that they have a right to every aspect of their lives and not just the fucking time they give you - which, frankly is already a lot fucking more than most bands do.


I love Fall Out Boy for being so close to their fans and being so approachable, but there are times when people take a fucking mile more than they're entitled to (like the people who stole the bags of old clothes Pete's mum put out with the trash, and now walk around Chicago WEARING HIS CLOTHES).


Oh, and I'm not sure of the politics of this, but the 'friend' who posted shit about Pete in his LJ, and told all his minions - the minions he only appears to have because he's famous for being friends with the band - to repost everywhere they could, in order to make Pete look bad and as an effort to destroy fans' faith in him, is still some kind of hero to most people on the board. There have been tons of posts about, "I'm going to Chris's gig on Friday - who's going?"

Now, call me fucking crazy, but if someone did that to my favourite band - which, actually, they have - I would be after their blood, not tickets to their show. Especially when said show consists of some ligging prat reading aloud from his book of Stuff I Did In Chicago Before And After I Was Famous Because Someone I Was Really Fucking Evil About Wrote A Song Saying I Was Their Friend.

If I had met that malicious bitch from NME who slagged off Kieran's voice, even thought it was years ago, I would still smash her face in. Because I saw how much it hurt his feelings.

I can't comprehend how people would be such disloyal bastards as to support someone who tried to destroy someone they claim to care about (if all the "mrsXpeteXwentz"-style usernames are anything to go by - and that one probably exists but I don't necessarily mean that user).


Am I just too much of an idealist, because I wouldn't treat people like that? Really.




I hate fans.

o_O

CAT HEAD THEATRE.

Does exactly what it says on the tin.

(Now with added WTF?!)

PEG2LIEKWOAH.

I just got my dispatch notice for my Pegasus 2 tickets.

Boooooowng.




Pity I really don't give much of a fuck about going, isn't it?

(no subject)

I apologise in advance to the guys on my flist, for this one.

So. I just booked some therapy.

Hypnotherapy, that is.

This biatch gon' slim her ho' ass down. Yuh huh.

I thought about it for a while, and I know - I fucking KNOW - what my problem is. It's not being able to take shit seriously. I get bored, I keep procrastinating and telling myself, "Yeah, I'll go to the gym next week. It doesn't matter if I eat a pizza today - I'll just be super-strict for the next week" - and you fucking know that ain't happening.

So, I'm enlisting the help of a hypnotherapist in Angel (the place, not the show, non-Brits). I know I can't lose the weight on my own because I don't have the will-power. But I really need to lose the weight. I may not look obese, but the fact is that clinically speaking the nurse at my surgery is probably right. And £90.00 isn't much to pay.

I know some people will probably think, "But hypnosis might not work". In which case, that's my loss of £90.00, but at least I tried.

I've got three items of clothing which are my measure of losing enough weight:

purple and black combats;

denim skirt I bought at Reading festival (I think) when I was seventeen (?);

'Angel' jeans - faded size 12 (UK) Hustlers with the London Underground sign for Angel Islington sewn on the back, and 'BIONIC' biroed on the hip pocket, from back when I was sixteen or seventeen.

When I can comfortably fit into those, I will be happy. It's actually only two and a half dress-sizes.

I don't want to be thin - I want to be slim. Healthily so. And when I am that size, I'm going to reward myself with the heart tattoos on my hips.

(For those I teased about that, the reference is "falling apart to songs about hips and hearts".)

Hopefully, at this point much of the ridiculous boobage will be gone and I can start buying pretty bras from high street shops, as well. That would be so nice. Just to be down to a size D... that's more than enough. That's like six cup sizes, though. I don't know if I'll be that lucky.

But yeah. I told myself 2007 was going to be a year of change, and now I'm actively doing something about it. I'm proud of that.

I really just hope it works.