This Is Not A Democracy

New news on the Mapie front.

Robert just told me that today she tried to arrange a house meeting and expressly excluded me. He told her where to go, and told me that he can see right through her and that he's seen her do things that were clearly just to annoy me - like tell prospective housemates it's okay to smoke in the house and turn off the TV when she knew I'd been watching it, and things like that.

I'm so relieved to have someone if not on my side, then at least not so neutral as to be on hers.

At the moment, we're looking for someone new, as Ben is moving out. Yesterday, Robert brought round his friend Rado, who will be made homeless on the day that we need someone to move in on. He seemed very sweet. Quiet, hard working (he does 12 hour shifts in a restaurant kitchen, six days a week) and Robert - who is a decent person himself - has known him for years and fully vouches for him.

I think he seemed sweet and not the sort of guy who would cause trouble. Exactly the sort that we could do with (much like Robert and Gabriel). Mapie, however, is insisting that we see more people because she doesn't want 'friends business' in the house (note: this from the woman who suggested that Claudine of The Drug Dealer Party move in) and she made this statement to Robert and said she didn't want to open the door for my friends moving in! The cheek!

She is literally and actively trying to turn the house against me. Fortunately, Robert isn't going to let that happen. We can both tell the sort of person she will get on with and are not prepared to let someone like that move in - we both feel that one is more than enough.

We just talked about it, and we think Mapie's problem is that she feels out of control of the house - which is where she's used to being - and it's freaking her out.

Considering I told Mr Malick I didn't want her evicted, she really is taking the piss.

I'm well and truly sick of this.

I am so angry.

For those of you unfamiliar with this story, I have an alcoholic housemate (one of four) called Mapie. Mapie has no concept of other people. She would come and sit next to me when I was signed off work with chest infections it later turned out were not related to asthma (which they now don't believe I have) but due to an allergy to cigarette smoke, and say "You have a bad cough" and then light up. She smoked in the house constantly. I would always say that it was okay, because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable - and because she'd already be lighting her cigarettes as she asked.

Mapie has also been guilty of afternoon barbecues that have started on Saturday morning and ended Monday evening. She has an abundance of unemployed friends - as she herself is, which also annoys me as she's not even English, but French - and hasn't worked for a number of years. She gets her rent paid, her council tax, money for amenities and to live on - and she can afford to go out drinking every night - why would she bother getting a job?

Anyway, we have a room to rent, here from 1 September, and I mentioned to Elise that if things got desperate maybe she should move in there for a while - ironically, as I thought things had improved in the house. It wasn't final, and it would obviously have been down to the other three to agree that she was suitable. I mentioned this to Mapie, earlier, and she sniffed and told me she had already spoken to her friend Claudine, who might be interested.

Claudine is a French-Canadian lady who helped Mapie bring some drug dealers into the house about a year ago; drug dealers who subsequently threatened to beat up Gabriel - in his own home. He was terrified, when I came home. I think the police had been around, if I remember correctly.

Tonight, she came in drunk and demanded to watch TV, and I asked - very carefully and politely - if she could wait just forty-five minutes so I could watch the end of an episode of Killer Instinct that Joe May was in. She wanted to watch Eastenders, about which when she said to me earlier, "Typical for my friends to call when I want to watch Eastenders!" I had said, "Do you want to watch it now? I don't mind - I can go in my room if you want..." as we have a sort of view-on-demand package for some programs. She said no.

Anyway - my polite refusal of her demand turned into the usual self-righteous rant she drags out on the very, very rare occasions I say 'no' to her. 'WAH WAH WAH, we shouldn't have a TV in the living room because I never get to watch it/WAH WAH WAH, you are always in the living room'

Firstly, yes, she does. Every day when I come home it is on the Francophone channel. If she doesn't watch it during all those hours when she is at home and I'm working, that isn't my problem. If she wanted to watch it most evenings, all she would have to do is say so, or come and sit down. It's just unfortunate that tonight was the one night when there was something on I really needed to watch for TCO as we've been doing reviews for his projects.

Secondly, it's a communal sitting room. If I want to sit there, shouldn't that be okay at any time? I'm not stopping anyone else coming in, just by being there. I even encourage people - usually Andrea or Gabriel - to come and join me, if they want to. But they hardly ever do.

Mapie's claim tonight, was that they are all scared of me. And that they all dislike me.

(Who does that sound like, everyone?)

And apparently, I'm also crazy. Yes, I'm crazy for finding the rantings of a drunk, belligerent, French nutter irritating. Apparently, I make her feel she can't smoke in the living room because I 'say stuff' - which I never do. I just leave. But considering no one else smokes in the common areas of the house, because they think of the non-smokers instead of just themselves, I don't think she has any right to complain. She started smoking through choice - I didn't develop an allergy on purpose just to annoy her.

I rarely raise my voice to her - unless I'm replying to something she's yelling down the hall from halfway up the stairs. Because raising your voice loses you the argument, and I'm not that childish any more. What I am, though, is really sick of being made to feel this way in my own home. I seriously need to get out - although I hate to let her win like that. Which I know is a petty attitude to have, but she really does want to own this place. She pretty much thinks she already does.

When I was thrown out of home, and decided to stay away for good, it was because I couldn't stand being abused and persecuted in a place where I was supposed to be at ease. I'm still feeling like that here. If ever she comes in and doesn't immediately say 'hi' to me I'm on edge because I think she's come in drunk and is going to throw one of these strops. I can't stand living like that.

I left a note for Gabriel telling him what happened tonight and asking if I could have a chat to him tomorrow, because I want to establish whether he is scared of me and dislikes me as much as Mapie says. I'm also going to talk to Mr Malick, our landlord. As far as I can see, for all my faults, she's the one who makes life hard for everyone, here. She leaves the kitchen filthy while drunken friends of hers pass out and let their children poo on the floor in the downstairs toilet - and are too out of it to clean it up - all weekend. She's the one who brings people in off the street - literally, off the street - and then claims they attempted to rape her outside my unlocked door, even though I hear nothing.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I think I have two or three months left of my contract - although I can pay to break it, if I like - and I'd need to save to move, because I won't get my deposit back immediately. I don't even have anywhere to go - although I'm considering (vaguely) asking to lodge at my uncle's house for a while, which would mean moving back to Ashford, which I would loathe.

The simple fact is, either she goes, or I go. And it's getting increasingly urgent.