This Is Not A Democracy

Jesus fucking Christ on a bike.

I have just had to get the biggest (I'm not kidding) fucking spider I have ever fucking seen in my entire fucking arachnaphobic life out of my bedroom!

The fucking thing was sitting on a towel on my bedroom floor when I came down from having a bath. It was enormous. Seriously. I had to pick it up in a pint glass and its leg-span was bigger than the mouth of the glass! Considerably so.

You could see every detail of its body.

I thought it was a wolf spider but the fucking thing was so big it was almost the size of a small mammal.

I do know it wasn't a tarantula.

Bearing in mind that I am arachnaphobic (my ex, Kate, would have been sectioned after seeing a spider that big), I am extremely proud of myself for relocating it to the back garden, and then duelling with it to get it off my towel. Which it really did want to hang on to. But I won't be going in the garden for the next week, I can tell you.

HUGE!

*wibbles*