(no subject)

[rosiedoes]

This came up from a conversation that likethepaint and I are having with eyerenderingfan, and I would be really interested in knowing the following:

[Poll #1290143]

Comments

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to lie; it's tempting to defriend you, dude, because now I think you're an idiot and I don't have idiots on my flist. And I feel like you're weak and you're deluding yourself; making excuses and throwing away reasons for me to respect you, because I can't now believe that you're as smart a person as I thought you were.

You're saying that you're doing this for yourself, but that's bullshit. You're doing it because people around you are and that provides temptation. They may not be pressuring you, but you're trying to be like them and to keep up - as perhaps you were doing to an extent in copying your straight edge friends. Do you really enjoy being drunk? Do you really enjoy being around people who are pissed off their tits and having to be the person to take care of them? Because I don't believe that you do. If this is about control, drinking is the worst possible way you can regain any of that. It's like the old adage of "fucking for virginity". It doesn't work, and I know that you know that.

If you're conflicted about doing something that you know is bad for you - bad physically, bad economically because you're a student and living on shit money (and you can't keep drinking everyone else's stash without buying your own, for long), bad socially, because the more often you drink, the more often people will expect you to drink and the greater tolerance you will build up to it.

Nothing positive comes from this. If you want to exercise some control over yourself, make youself get up and go running for an hour at 6am every day; give yourself a target number of books to read a week, and stick to that. There are ways to exercise control that don't involve breaking your own moral code and pumping yourself full of shit that you don't need and is ultimately only going to have a detrimental effect.

This shouldn't be inspired by respecting or admiring me, or Jen or Andy fucking Hurley; it should be inspired by respecting yourself. Respecting your own sense of decency and your own values - never mind your own body and mind.

What do you get from drinking? Maybe you feel a bit less inhibited? Perhaps your college mates bug you about it less? Is that really worth putting yourself into a conflicted state internalling and giving up a lifestyle you were proud of for? Because I don't believe that it is. I've been where you are - drinking because it's The Done Thing And Why Shouldn't I? - but before I ever even knew that straight edge existed. I would never go back there. I would never give up something that matters to me - as I know it does to you.

I find it hard to like or respect people who make stupid decisions about which they should clearly no better. I have people on my flist who are stoners and were stoners when I met them and I thoroughly disapprover, but none of them have claimed to make a conscious decision to do something that is harmful, expensive and which they regarded as stupid until that point.

Your explanation makes no sense to me. It just sounds as though you're in denial about caving to social norms because you really want to think you're too strong for that.

You're a good person and you're an intelligent person and I think you are way, way better than this bullshit. Why lower yourself to their level instead of trying to bring them up to yours?

[moondarri.livejournal.com]

i don't know. i really don't know. that's all i can say.

i suppse. defriend if you want, although i really like you, dude, so i guess i'd rather you didn't.

i know it maybe wasn't the smartest decision, okay, but i just thought i was doing something for myself. now that i'm doubting myself again, because of you & what you're saying, it's just reinforcing this notion i have that i'm a shitty person who can't make my own decisions, that i always have people giving me better advice than i could ever give myself. if i say now, yeah, you're right dude, i'm going to give this shit up all over again, it feels like i'm a total pushover, a total idiot, because a) why did i start drinking again in the first place & b) why did i need someone to tell me yet again that i'm doing the wrong thing. you know?

but fuck, i know you're right, anyway, & i guess this is not the thing to be arguing over, because it's stupid, & i know, deep down, that i'm fucking stupid, too.

i don't even know.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

That's the thing: you're not a stupid person - I wouldn't have had you on my flist in the first place, if you were - you're just making stupid decisions. Don't take my word for it. Sit down and really think about this and what matters to you the most. Think about why you're doing this.

If you decide that drinking really isn't that harmful and there really isn't a reason you should stop, that's one thing (I won't approve, but you can go and do what you want); but if you decide that this is something that isn't good for you, doesn't sit well with your ideals or beliefs, then make the conscious decision to regain your control and do right by yourself.

Having the strength to stand up and say, "Okay, I was wrong and I genuinely believe that," whichever lifestyle you choose, is really important. But a smart person will also be able to evaluate what is the best for them in the long term as well as the short.

You're in a stressful position right now. A new environment with new friends and new social activities going on; a lot of people would cave to social norms in order to fit in more - especially if they haven't been accepted in the past - but I put it to you that what's really driving this is your fear that you will lose your place in this group if you don't keep up. Not because they're the kind of people who would do that to you, but because that is the experience you had before.

What does Ellie really believe is the best for her? What will make Ellie the most comfortable in herself? What are the things that she really believes in the most?

Answer these questions for yourself, dude, because no matter how much I rant at you I can't make the decision for you. But figuring this shit out is where your wisdom and strength are. Just do it all for the right reasons.

[moondarri.livejournal.com]

thanks, man. i - guess you've got me figured out pretty well. i'm going to think it over. & hey, i really appreciate the advice, whatever i might say. so. yeah, thanks. for taking the time to talk this over with me.

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

Don't forget that I have over half a decade on you, so I've had a lot more time to figure myself and this social bullshit out.

At the end of the day, you're a good person and I like you and I won't be defriending you, but I do want to shake you for not valuing yourself enough as you are.